


Daylight.

by jajudeeds



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Alternating, Pining, Rare Pairings, Slow Burn, Songfic I guess?, and younghyun too i guess but this isn't about you sweetie sorry, dowoon's still a badass drummer though, i am once again reiterating that this is a jaewoon fic, it builds up slowly at the beginning, it just goes back and forth between jae and dowoon, jae's the one with the music career, lots of pining lmao, mark is mentioned a few times but he doesn't actually show up, please protect these babies forever PLEASE, sungjin and wonpil are dowoon's emotional support buddies, the most underrated pairing tbh BIG SIGH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24697327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jajudeeds/pseuds/jajudeeds
Summary: “You may have forgotten this entire town when you left, Jae, but Dowoon sure didn’t forget you.”Jae thought he had it all figured out.When he first came to Seoul, he already knew what kind of life he wanted, could already picture it in his head.Now, 10 years later, not everything has turned out the way he wanted it to. Forced to return to his hometown, the one he left behind, Jae has to relive all the memories he had kept buried deep in the secluded parts of his mind, and face the childhood friend he had unintentionally forgotten.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae, Park Jaehyung | Jae/Yoon Dowoon
Comments: 35
Kudos: 71





	1. Prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i have returned with another multi-chaptered fic!!  
> i know that this probably won't do as well as my first fic, since its not a popular pairing, but you guys liked my jaewoon's dynamic that i thought i should give it a try! (also because the jaewoon tag has like... 2 pages worth of fics on this site smh) i hope i did them justice! enjoy :D
> 
> also, check out the [moodboard](https://twitter.com/jajudeeds_/status/1271804886280097798?s=20) i made for this fic!

_“You should take some time off.”_

Jae quickly removes his earphones and stuffs it in his pockets. Jae stepped off the train with his luggage in hand, as well as his guitar slung around his back. He’s not even sure if he’ll get around to using it, but it comforts him to know that it’ll be there when he needs it.

_“Maybe after a month, you’ll get back in your game, you know?”_

He walks to the exit and sees his parents waving enthusiastically. Jae smiles back just as brightly. How long has it been since he last seen them? Was it during Christmas?

He jogged the rest of the distance and engulfed them both in a big hug, as they rocked back and forth for a few seconds. They were in the middle of the walkway, but not many people were passing by. Not many people get off at this stop anyway.

“Ah, you’ve gotten thinner!” Jae’s mother squeezed his arms, and poked his sides.

Jae flinched away, trying to deflect his mother’s prods, “I’m fine, mom.”

His mother wasn’t convinced, but she nodded her head anyway, and looped her arm in his. His father gave a heavy pat on his shoulder, “Let’s go home.”

_“I know it’s been a tough year for you. I hope this break does you some good.”_

Jae hopes so too.

Jae is currently in a writing slump. Well, he can’t really call it a slump. Technically, he _has_ been writing and composing songs, but none of them seem to satisfy whatever it is Jae is trying to make. He keeps writing and writing, and all of them comes out wrong, wrong, wrong.

He knows he’s good at this. He’s been an established singer-songwriter for over 6 years now, and he’s doing extremely well. So for him to be in this situation is frustrating for everyone involved.

The people at his agency, including his manager, all insist that the songs he’s been making the past year are good, but Jae knows it’s not _good_ good. They’re mediocre, they’re so-so, they’re not _Jae_ enough. And he doesn’t have anyone to blame but himself.

So that’s what got him into this predicament. Now, as he watches his hometown passing by through the window, he realized that this is actually his first time coming back ever since he left 10 years ago. He never had a reason to come back; his parents always making their way to Seoul to see him during the holidays, and it’s not like he has a big family. The apartment he’s living in could definitely fit them all, and then some. There’s so many more things to see and do in the city, compared to this small town.

And now he’s stuck here for a month.

Dowoon walks up to his house, keys dangling in his hand.

He hears a chorus of laughter and looks up, searching for the sound. He catches a glimpse of the Parks in their house next door, lights bright and illuminating the kitchen and living room, as he spots Jae.

His heart clenches a little.

He looks away and recomposed himself (although there wasn’t anyone around for him to look composed for), while slowly unlocking the door. His brain is currently trying to do two different things; one trying to block out the sound, at the same time the other tries to keep it in his memory. Well, even if he subconsciously remembered it, that memory will still be buried deep in his mind, just like every other memory of Jae he has.

As he enters his house, Jae’s laughter is long forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

The neighbour’s porch lights turn on.

“Oh!” Jae’s mom exclaims, “Dowoon’s home!”

His mom quickly goes to the kitchen, for reasons unknown to Jae.

Jae frowns, “Dowoon?”

“Yes, Dowoon,” Jae’s dad chimes in, “Don’t you remember?”

“Of course I remember Dowoon. But he’s still here? I thought he would’ve moved away by now.”

Jae’s dad shakes his head, “Well, I guess he must’ve considered it, especially after his father passed away…”

Jae, in the middle of pouring himself a drink, pauses. He looks up at his own father, “Passed away?”

“It was quite some time ago, I think,” his mom answers, coming from the kitchen with a container in her hands, “He probably could fare better somewhere else too. Must be hard staying in that big old house by himself.”

Jae keeps himself quiet, as a memory revives itself in his head.

Dowoon doesn’t remember much from that day, he was too young then, but he remembers crying.

He remembers feeling confused, not knowing where his mother was; but there was a picture of her in a frame, everyone was wearing black, most of them were looking at him with some sad looks on their faces, and he just remembers lots and lots of crying.

But another thing he remembers vividly, was the hand in his.

It was only supposed to be him and his father at the forefront of this entire thing, whatever this thing was, but that hand in his never left.

He could feel how puffy his eyes were, how wet his tear-stained cheeks were, as he occasionally looks at the hand’s owner, whenever the hand gives him a tight squeeze.

Jae.

Jae doesn’t look at him the same way those other people do.

He’s not sure what that look means, but he’s comforted by it. In the sea of all these strangers, of all these intense emotions he doesn’t know, Jae was the one grounding him. Dowoon could see Jae’s parents speaking to his father; Jae’s father giving his own a tight hug, and leaving right afterwards. Jae stays.

And Jae doesn’t even say a word throughout the whole ceremony.

But with Jae’s hand in his, it was the only support he needed.

“Jae, are you listening?”

Jae blinks. _Oh, he went off on a tangent there._

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I said, could you give this to Dowoon? Sometimes he forgets to eat, so I make it a habit to make extras for him.”

Jae takes the container from his mother’s hands, “Uh, sure.”

Jae wasn’t sure.

Jae hasn’t met Dowoon in _ages_. The last time they met was probably the day Jae left this town for good, and well, Jae hates to admit it, but he also doesn’t even remember when the last time he talked to him was. So to say that Jae was ashamed was surely downplaying it a little bit.

But the weight of the container in his hand, and his mother’s words of _Dowoon forgetting to eat?_ is truly sorting Jae’s priorities in his head, so he swallows his pride and heads out the door.

Jae then proceeds to stand on Dowoon’s porch for a good minute.

_Am I seriously going to do this?_

He wished that Dowoon wouldn’t answer, maybe he could just leave this container on the doorstep, he’s sure Dowoon would know who it’s from (Unless there were other people constantly giving him food, but he wouldn’t know that now, would he?).

Jae almost succumbed to his feelings, and started bending down to place the container, when his elbow accidentally leaned on the doorbell.

 _Shit_.

Jae was panicking. Maybe he still had time to leave-

The door swung open.

And then, he’s face to face with someone who sort of resembles Dowoon, but it’s _not_ the Dowoon he remembers.

_Okay, who the fuck is this._

The Dowoon in his most recent memories is a teenager, just about to enter high school, and not whoever this person was in front of him. This Dowoon was all sharp edges; he’s taller, _definitely_ more built, everything about him is more defined, his hair also more styled compared to the way he always used to wear it down, and maybe Jae should stop staring, because this is getting a tiny bit creepy.

But he can’t take his eyes off of him, because he doesn’t know this Dowoon at all.

Dowoon looks just as surprised as he feels too.

“Uh, hi,” Jae squeaks out.

“Hello.”

He doesn’t remember him being monotonous like this.

“My mom asked me to bring this to you…?”

“Oh,” he takes the container that he was handed. “Thank you.”

“Sure, yeah, no problem. Right,” Jae scratches his neck. Oh God, this is weirder than he could’ve imagined.

“It’s been a long time,” Dowoon ends up giving him a tiny smile, “How long will you be staying?”

“A month.”

“Cool,” Dowoon wasn’t looking at him now, but the shy smile was still there. “See you around.”

“Yeah, oka-”

Jae didn’t even have time to stutter out an awkward goodbye, because Dowoon already closed the door on him.


	3. Chapter 3

When Dowoon moved to this town from Busan, he was probably just around 5 to 6 years old.

Of course, Dowoon being the person that he is, was always shy around people he doesn’t know. And he doesn’t know _anyone_ here.

So that’s where Jae came into the picture.

Being neighbours, the Parks and the Yoons introduced themselves to each other, with an already too-tall Jae in front of his parents, his shoulders being held by his father, showing off his son; while Dowoon was hiding behind his own mother’s legs, too scared, too timid, too shy.

It was a good thing Jae was better at talking to people than Dowoon was.

Jae was older than Dowoon by 3 years, but he never seemed to mind that there was this small, shy boy following him around everywhere. Jae tried including Dowoon whenever he could, inviting him to places, asking his opinions on things. He used to be scared of talking, scared that Jae wouldn’t understand his heavy accent, but Jae was patient, and kind, and Dowoon was blessed that this was his first friend.

It wasn’t long after that Dowoon latched on to Jae, like a lifeline.

And maybe that, Dowoon figures, was his first mistake.

Jae was bored out of his mind.

It’s only been a few days since he came to town. He hasn’t had the courage to pull out his guitar out from its case yet, and he doesn’t even have his phone with him, Mark’s voice ringing in his head, _“You’ll do something stupid with it, so I’m holding on to it. I’m doing you a favour_.” It was _not_ a favour. He considers buying himself a new phone just to spite him, but that will just be a waste of money.

So here he was, lying on his bed, looking at his childhood room’s ceiling, when he hears his stomach grumble.

Hm.

He then made his way down to the kitchen; both his parents had work today, when he saw a note with some money on the kitchen table.

_I’m 28 years old for Gods sake, I don’t need an allowance._

He read the note anyway.

**Have lunch at the Park’s ramen shop!**

There wasn’t anything else written on it. Somehow, it sounds more like he’s being forced to do this.

Ah, what does he have to lose?

So Jae makes himself look decent, and makes his way into the center of town. It’s surely been a while since he’s been here. There were shops he’s never seen before, but most of them are still the family-run businesses that have been passed from generations to generations, just like this ramen shop he’s walking into.

“Welco- JAE!”

Jae is welcomed by a hard slap on his shoulder _. Okay, was that really necessary._

He tilts his head, “…Sungjin?”

“Yeah! Seriously, how long has it been? Wait, wait, have a seat! I’m sure you missed having our ramen, let me bring you a bowl!”

Sungjin jogs off to the direction of the kitchen, disappearing as quickly as he came.

Jae and Sungjin were the same age, the same year during school too. If Jae was always with Dowoon outside of school, well, in school he was always with Sungjin.

Aaand he didn’t keep in contact with Sungjin either. His entire body is washed with guilt, like a bucket of water was splashed on him.

He was so deep in thought, he didn’t pay attention to when Sungjin reappeared and placed a bowl of ramen in front of him, Sungjin casually sitting opposite of him.

“Don’t you have to work?” _Wow, Jae, you’re killing me. It’s like you want him gone._

Sungjin laughs, “It’s okay, I told my dad you’re here, so he gets it. We haven’t seen you in so long! Wow, life of a superstar, eh?”

Jae grimaces a little, trying to offer a smile and fails, so he diverts his attention to the noodles instead.

“Ah, sorry. Well, I guess everyone has their own issues, right. But are you doing good?”

Jae forgot how Sungjin can see right through him.

No point lying then. Only diversion.

“Okay, I guess,” he shrugs, “Let’s not talk about me. What’s going on with you?”

Jae was glad that Sungjin understood the need for a topic change, and that Sungjin could talk enough for the both of them, as Jae just eats and responds at the right time.

“…and he’s great at drumming too.”

“What?”

“I said, he’s great at drumming too.”

“Who is?”

“Are you lost in that head of yours? I thought you were paying attention!”

“I was! And then… I just got confused for a second there.”

Sungjin shakes his head, “Dowoon. Dowoon’s good at drumming.”

“Oh,” Jae tried not to sound too surprised, but he knows Sungjin can tell, “That’s cool.”

“You remember how he used to look at you with stars in his eyes? Man, he was probably your first fan, way before you became big in the music scene. You should probably give him discounts on your albums or something.”

Jae laughs along with Sungjin, trying not to let himself drown in his words.

Dowoon loves drumming.

That is a universal fact. Considering that he’s the drum teacher at the only music academy in town and the sole drummer at the nearby jazz club, it’s safe to say that everyone in town knows it too.

To be honest, he wants to be one of those people that could say that he doesn’t remember how long he’s been drumming, or that he’s been drumming all his life, or he doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t, but the reality is he does. He does remember. He can specifically state the exact time and place when he decided that he was going to take up drumming, but he doesn’t tell anyone that.

That memory is for him alone.

Well, not alone entirely. There was someone else in that memory, but he doubts that the other person remembers anyway. You know the type of feeling where you’re having a life changing moment, and you look beside you and the other person is just having another typical day? That’s exactly what happened.

He also doesn’t tell people that this person also was the first person to encourage him to pursue drumming, under the guise that “We could play together!”, and Dowoon feels like _Yeah, this seems like a cool thing to take up. And the added bonus is I get to spend time with you._

He doesn’t tell people that this person is his childhood friend, Jae, who is also now some big celebrity. It’s not that people wouldn’t believe him, the entire town knows they’re neighbours, that they were close, it wouldn’t be such an surprising fact. But he figures that if he doesn’t remind people that he used to associate himself with Jae, he wouldn’t remember it as often.

Sometimes, he doesn’t tell it to himself either.

_I mean, we’re just neighbours._

Technically they still are, but Jae isn’t in town anymore, so Dowoon pretends that they aren’t. That thought acts as a safety barrier, but he isn’t exactly sure what he’s protecting himself from.

Maybe it’s the memories of them running together towards the playground, or impromptu sleepovers, or walking together to school, or listening to music in Jae’s room, or anything that involves Jae to be honest.

Dowoon feels like he’s the only one holding these memories together, and that if he forgets them, they will cease to exist. Because Jae certainly doesn’t remember them. Jae doesn’t remember Dowoon at all.

And Dowoon should have known this would happen, really.

Because Jae was always filled with big dreams. Dreams way too big for this small town, that he couldn’t wait to get away from it. And Dowoon respects that, admires that. He used to look up to Jae like Jae himself put the moon and stars in the sky and he could never look away.

So when the opportunity came, Jae left as soon as he could.

Dowoon should have been prepared for it, he knows how much this mattered to Jae, with how much he’s talked about it his entire life.

But when the day came, Dowoon was heartbroken anyway.

Although, he knows he was upset for the wrong reasons. He wasn’t sad that Jae was leaving, he was sad that Jae was leaving _him_ behind.

Because deep down he knew, that if Jae made it out of this town, there was nothing tying him to Dowoon anymore, there was no reason for Dowoon to matter to him. He was just some child, that Jae couldn’t shake off. He would be forgotten the moment Jae stepped out of town.

And you know what the worst thing was? Dowoon was right.


	4. Chapter 4

Jae has been stuck on the same verse for an hour now.

Jae was on the porch leading to the backyard, with some papers scattered around him and his guitar in his lap, while he chews on the back of a pencil.

It’s almost been a week since he got back, and he finally couldn’t handle not attempting to write something, and he thinks that maybe getting some fresh air would do him some good.

Obviously not.

“Ugh!”

He slams the pencil down and leans his forehead on his guitar, hoping that the world will just stop existing for a while, then maybe his mind would get some peace.

“You okay there?”

Jae looks up to see Dowoon peering over the fence.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Stuck?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe you need a break?”

As if he hasn’t heard that one before.

“It’s cool, I’ll be alright. Thanks.”

It was quiet for a while, and Jae almost thinks that Dowoon has gone back into his own house, until he speaks up again.

“W-would you… like to come to the music academy with me?”

Oh.

Jae stares at Dowoon. He wasn’t meeting his eyes, and he looked like he was in his own dilemma, when the reality was _he_ was the one who threw out the suggestion.

“…You know, to give you a distraction.” Dowoon continued.

“Is that allowed?”

“Well, I haven’t tried bringing anyone, we’ll find out today I guess.”

Jae _really_ doesn’t feel like interacting with anyone today, his energy levels low.

Dowoon quickly adds in, “You get to see how terrible the kids are at playing their instruments.”

Jae could hear the smile in his voice, without even looking at him. Jae looks at the mess in front of him, and decides.

“Right, I’m convinced. Count me in.”

Jae and Dowoon were both standing in front of Dowoon’s house, looking at their ride in front of them. Dowoon is starting to think he might have made a mistake.

“You have a scooter,” Jae deadpans.

“Yeah?”

“Like, a kid scooter.”

“There’s no such thing as a kid scooter.”

Jae declines the helmet being handed to him, “I am not riding that.”

“If you want to walk, you’re more than welcome to.”

“Then I’m not going.”

“Honestly, what’s so bad about the scooter?”

“It’s… like a child’s play thing.”

“A child can’t drive a scooter, what are you talking about?”

Dowoon huffs and puts the helmet on Jae’s head himself. Jae is much taller than Dowoon, so he instinctively lowers his head for Dowoon to adjust the helmet, even when he looks a little taken aback by Dowoon’s actions.

Dowoon tries not to tremble as he buckles Jae’s helmet in.

“Stop being a baby and get on already,” he quickly goes to sit on the scooter, looking away from Jae.

Jae rolls his eyes and complies anyway, “Aren’t drummers supposed to be badass? Maybe you should’ve gotten one of those big bikes instead.”

“Do I look like I want to deal with the maintenance of those?”

“Whatever. Next time we’re taking my mom’s car or something.”

Dowoon tries not to overthink it, but he asks anyway, “Next time?”

They make their way out of the driveway, but he could hear Jae’s voice answer quietly.

“…Yeah, next time.”

Jae has never been in the Kim’s music academy before. When he was learning the guitar, he taught himself everything he knew. That knowledge was good enough to get him out of town, but when he’s thrown into the music industry, he knew it wouldn’t be enough to _just_ be good, you had to literally stand out from everyone else. So that was the only time he looked for a proper music teacher.

He looked around. It wasn’t some fancy, sophisticated music academy like the ones you’d find in the city, but it still had a certain charm to it. It felt like home.

“Dowo- oh? Jae! Hi!”

Jae nods in acknowledgement, “..Wonpil.”

Did Jae mention he doesn’t have the energy to deal with people right now? Yeah.

Wonpil doesn’t seem to take it to heart though.

“It’s an honour to have you here. Should I show you around?”

“No, I’m just here to hang with Dowoon if that’s okay?”

“Sure. Hey, do you think maybe you can hang with the guitar classes too? I’m sure they might want some tips-“

Dowoon quickly takes hold of Jae’s shoulders and leads him away, “Okay, bye Wonpil.”

He can hear Wonpil yell out, something like, “Tell me if you need anything!” or he could be wrong. He was grateful for having an escape route just the same.

“Thanks,” Jae says to Dowoon after they were out of Wonpil’s sight.

“No problem. He’s like that sometimes. D-do you…”

Jae glances at this Dowoon. He forgot how shy he used to be, only seeing him like that with people he barely knew. It feels like he has to ease his way into Dowoon’s comfort zone again, just like he did when they were kids.

“…wanna see me play first?”

Jae answers a quick, “Sure!” and then he was being lead to a practice room, with only a drum set in the corner, as he sees Dowoon takes a seat behind it.

“Um, here it goes.”

To be honest, Jae hasn’t seen Dowoon properly drum before. He has some recollection of memories, bits and pieces here and there, but at that time Dowoon was still an amateur, so it’s a grand contrast to the monster that he is now. He’s good.

_Extremely_ good.

And Jae knows it when he sees it. He’s been surrounded by tons of musicians and artists in his line of work, and this raw talent that Dowoon has is mind blowing. So Jae wonders out loud.

“Why aren’t you playing professionally?”

“Huh?”

“You’re amazing, Dowoon! What the hell? What are you doing here?”

He sees Dowoon’s ears turning red. Well, that’s one thing that hasn’t changed. Jae presses on.

“You could make it in the big leagues with talent like yours.”

Dowoon readjusts his cymbals, and tightens the screws on some of the stands. Jae knows he’s just fidgeting. Jae doesn’t say anything, waiting for an answer. If he had made a sound, he would have missed it.

“I’m content being here.”

“…Are you?”

And Jae can’t tell what kind of face Dowoon is making as he looks at Jae, because he’s so unfamiliarised with Dowoon’s expressions now, that he doesn’t know what emotions he’s keeping hidden, but he knows there’s something unnerving about it, as he says, “I am.”

Jae knows when to drop a subject, so he does.

They spent the remainder of their time disturbing some kids at practice. Even when he didn’t initially intend to, he did end up giving some tips here and there, but he didn’t push too far, knowing that he wasn’t in much of a position to anyway, not when he himself is facing problems with his own music.

Afterwards, instead of going straight to Dowoon’s, Dowoon drops Jae off in front of his house.

“Thanks, for bringing me,” Jae says as he hands over the helmet to Dowoon.

“It’s no problem. Maybe next time you could watch me play at the club instead..?”

“Will I have to ride the scooter again?”

“Well, if you want to drive me there, then that’s cool too.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

Jae was standing there, while Dowoon was still on his scooter, both not knowing how to end the conversation without it being awkward.

“Jae?”

He hummed. Jae looks at Dowoon, and sometimes he sees glimpses of the little boy that used to run around with Jae, holding on to Jae’s hand. Jae tries not to get side tracked.

“I had a good time. Let’s hangout more, yeah?”

Jae doesn’t know why, but he thinks that he could see a trace of those starry eyes again. Jae smiles.

“Yeah, absolutely.”


	5. Chapter 5

Initially, Dowoon wasn’t that close with Sungjin.

Dowoon only knew Sungjin from Jae, since sometimes they meet when he decides to walk home together from school with Jae and Dowoon, or when Sungjin is at Jae’s house doing homework while Dowoon dropped by unannounced. Generally, they were on speaking terms, but never, ever about things like this.

“Uh, could you repeat your question one more time?”

Sungjin can’t catch what he said, Dowoon’s voice only coming out as deep mumbles.

It’s been 4 months since Jae left town. At first, Jae texted Dowoon as much as he could, updating things that was going on, sending pictures of him moving in to his new apartment, of him going to new places. They even call each other once a week, which Dowoon looks forward to the most.

And then those texts and calls got less and less.

Dowoon understands. Jae is bound to get busier. There are a lot of things he has to do, he has priorities, responsibilities. Dowoon totally gets it.

But he hasn’t heard from Jae in a while.

Dowoon clears his throat and tries again, “Have you been in contact with Jae lately?”

Sungjin gives him a sad smile. Dowoon doesn’t know if he should take comfort in it or not.

“I’m sorry Dowoon, he hasn’t contacted me either.”

Dowoon looks down at his hands. He knows he shouldn’t be upset, hell, Sungjin has the right to be upset too, but he isn’t, and he doesn’t know why these feelings are overtaking him.

“Maybe he’s just busy, Dowoon. You know how it is.”

He sees pity in Sungjin’s eyes, and he hates it. Dowoon shakes his head, “I’m sorry for taking your time. I know it’s stupid. I won’t waste your time any-“

Before Dowoon could stand up to leave, Sungjin pulls on his wrist.

“It’s alright, you’re not.”

Dowoon sits again, and waits.

“Sometimes, Dowoon…” Sungjin starts. Dowoon feels like he’s in for a lecture, which it probably was. “Sometimes life is like that, you know? People come and go. I know it’s brutally honest of me, but that’s the way it is. It’s no one’s fault.”

He knows what Sungjin is saying is right, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t upset hearing those words anyway.

“I know how attached you are to him, he’s important to me too. But we both have our own lives now. Our lives… they’re like lines, see? Sometimes they intersect, sometimes they don’t. I’m just thankful whenever they do.”

Dowoon tears up a bit, but he doesn’t want to cry in front of Sungjin. He hates his feelings for betraying him like this. It must’ve been quite a sight to see him holding back his tears, since not long after he feels a hand ruffle his hair, as an arm suddenly pulls him in a side-hug.

“Ah, what am I saying. I miss him too, you know? It’s okay if you want to cry about it.”

So that’s what Dowoon did.

He cried for a while on Sungjin’s shoulder, no matter how embarrassing it is, while he mulls over Sungjin’s words.

And those words might have been harsh, and painful, but it was also the wake up call Dowoon needed. So he took every memory he had with Jae, and swallowed it whole.

Jae was sitting at one of the tables in the club, away from the crowd, but somehow someone spots him anyway.

“It’s you again.”

Jae turns to see Wonpil, a drink in his hand. He must be here to see Dowoon too.

“Hi, Wonpil.”

Wonpil smiles, “Can’t catch Dowoon without you lately huh?”

After hanging out together at the academy, they’ve been seeing each other more often. Jae tries to make time to go and see Sungjin too, and they hung out whenever he was done with work. He thinks he needs to make it up to Sungjin just as much.

Jae fumbles trying to think of a response to that.

“Oh my god, relax! It’s good for him too.” Wonpil laughs. He takes a seat in front of Jae, uninvited. Jae doesn’t mind. “He doesn’t always socialize either. We always have to drag him by the collar to places.”

Jae nods at that, not knowing what to say. Wonpil to Dowoon was the same to what Sungjin was to Jae. And Wonpil has been in town the entire time, so he probably knows Dowoon even more than Jae does now. He stirs his drink with his straw instead.

“So how long are you planning on staying?” Wonpil asks.

“A month. But I’m already a week and a half in.”

“Mhmm. And then everything’s going to go back to the way it was?”

Jae frowns, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re gonna go back to your life in the limelight, and this entire month would be just a fever dream to you, and Dowoon will have to go back to his life pretending that he doesn’t know you?”

Jae sits there, stunned. Wonpil said it so matter-of-factly, without malice, so neutrally. As if he was reading numbers out of a phone book. Wonpil takes Jae’s silence as his cue to keep talking.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Wonpil takes another sip of his drink and continues. If Jae wasn’t afraid of Wonpil before, he’s certainly afraid of him now.

“I know that for you this is just a vacation, just some retreat, a getaway of sorts from the busy life you have. But to Dowoon, it’s more. He’s letting you in into all these parts of him, parts you never got to see.”

Jae looks at Wonpil, and Wonpil doesn’t seem angry, to be honest he thinks he hasn’t ever seen Wonpil angry in his life, but this Wonpil in front of him wasn’t happy either.

“I mean, I admit that it’s great! He’s genuinely having a grand time, you know? It’s just that, when you’re gone, you’ll just leave behind this empty space. And I don’t know if he can deal with that a second time.”

_A second time?_

Jae has so many thoughts running in his head, he’s just rendered speechless. He feels like nothing he would say will reflect his feelings well, would be coherent enough for Wonpil to make sense of.

“It’s just-“ Wonpil sighs, like this conversation is sucking the life out of him, “You don’t know how pitiful it is to watch Dowoon live his life as if he doesn’t know you when you left.”

Is this what it feels like to be struck by lightning? Because it sure feels like it.

“People would always ask him, how’s Jae? Oh, Jae seems like he’s doing great in Seoul? And it’s so frustrating to see that look on his face, because… he never knew the answers to those questions. And everyone realizes that. So people just stopped asking him.”

Jae couldn’t even bear to look at Wonpil anymore.

“I truly am glad, that you’re friends again. Please don’t get me wrong. But I’m just worried of what will happen when you leave again.”

Wonpil proceeds to stand and put a gentle hand on Jae’s shoulder. Jae isn’t sure if it’s meant to be comforting.

“You may have forgotten this entire town when you left, Jae, but Dowoon sure didn’t forget you.”

Jae was weirdly quiet the entire drive home.

Dowoon was in the passenger seat of Jae’s car, well, technically the car was Jae’s mom’s, but same difference.

There was odd look on Jae’s face, but Dowoon couldn’t completely decipher it. But he looked like he was deep in thought, so Dowoon didn’t want to interrupt him and kept quiet. Dowoon was extremely good at keeping quiet.

It got even weirder when Jae asked, “Hey, wanna go to that old playground? It’s still there right?”

The playground was old, alright. Children don’t usually go there anymore, because there wasn’t any proper maintenance for years, and it could be dangerous to play on them. But during their school days, that’s where you could easily find Dowoon and Jae. On the swings, sometimes eating ice cream together, sometimes competing on who could swing the highest, and sometimes just talking. Dowoon hasn’t been to that playground in a while.

“Oh yeah. But it might be haunted though.”

“Pfftt.”

Very weird.

They didn’t continue their conversation until they reached the playground. It looks especially eerie at night, but somehow with Jae with him, it just makes him sentimental.

By instinct, they both approached the swings, Dowoon tugging on one of the chains, checking if it was safe. They were rusty, but he figures they’ll be safe if all they’re going to do is sit.

“How’d I do?” Dowoon voices out, after a couple of minutes of silence.

“You were great, man.”

Dowoon squints at Jae’s weak reply, “Why do I have a feeling that you didn’t pay attention.”

“Of course I did!”

Dowoon wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t push Jae any further. Maybe Jae just needs some time to himself, so Dowoon kept quiet, until Jae speaks up on his own.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Dowoon frowns.

“For everything.”

“You’ve got to be more specific. It’s fine if you didn’t pay attention to me in the club just now, I’m sure there are many more interesting things-“

“No! That’s not it!”

“Well, then, if it’s about-“

“Stop, I’m trying to apologize here.”

Jae looks like he’s struggling, and Dowoon doesn’t want to force him, but he thinks this is important to Jae. He waits.

“…I’m sorry, that I didn’t put it an effort to stay in contact with you while I was in Seoul.”

Dowoon feels his heart drop for a second there.

“Honestly? I don’t even have an excuse. I should have done more. And I feel so guilty, because I don’t even remember much of the things we did back then-“

“Did Wonpil talk to you? Is this why you’re saying these things now?”

“No, I mean, yes but that doesn’t mean that I don’t mean what I say-“

“You don’t have to worry about things like that, seriously. It’s not important anyway-“

“That’s what I’m trying to say! It is! It is important. Our friendship was important. And I was terrible at keeping it. And I made you believe that I didn’t think it was important when it actually was.”

Jae was already standing at this point. He had a deep frown on his face as he runs his hand through his hair. Dowoon doesn’t even know what to say, and then Jae starts pacing in front of him.

“When I was blabbering on and on about my dreams of getting out of here, not even once you told me, that I couldn’t do it, that I couldn’t make it. And when I finally did, I _forgot_ you.”

Jae crouches in front of Dowoon, and grabs one of his hands with both of his. Dowoon is too shocked to pull away, so he just lets Jae lean his forehead on Dowoon’s hand. He could feel his hand getting wet.

“All these stories you tell me about our childhood days, I just feel so bad for not remembering them.” Jae sobs out.

Dowoon feels like he should cry, and he probably could, but this whole situation took him by surprise, and he’s more shocked than any other emotion he’s feeling right now. He used to fantasize about this conversation, about how it’d be like when he and Jae finally reunites, but he never imagined it to be like this. Dowoon thought he would be angrier, or more upset, but seeing Jae like this, all he wants is for them to be okay again.

Jae has been quiet for a while, so Dowoon uses his other hand to brush Jae’s hair.

“…I can’t truthfully tell you that I wasn’t upset at all, but what matters is, you’re here now. That’s all that matters, Jae. You’re here with me now.”

Jae shakes his head, not even looking up at Dowoon, “It’s been too long.”

“It has been.”

“I’m still so sorry.”

“Apology accepted. Now-”

Dowoon stands and clasps Jae’s hand along with his, “Lets get some hot chocolate and marshmallows because I, for one, need it after this conversation.”

Jae nods as he looks up at Dowoon from his position on the ground, he still has tears brimming in his eyes, the streetlights harsh on his features, but all Dowoon can think of is how he’s still as pretty now as he was all those years ago.


	6. Chapter 6

They spend more time together now.

It was just like how they used to be. The only time they aren’t together was when Dowoon was off teaching his students at the academy, but even then sometimes Jae is there, just to hang out in another practice room close by.

It was one of those days.

Jae was staring down at the keys of the piano, as his thoughts bring him to another place, or more like, another time.

He doesn’t remember how long he wanted to do music, and it’s been a part of him for so long he doesn’t even know when it started. When he wrote it down as his dream career in school, he expected everyone to not bat an eye. He thought everyone already knew this.

Which was a miscalculation, on his part.

In a small town like this, no one wants to be a singer. You either go into your family business, or any other type of job really, but a _singer_? No, that’s not for small town folk like them. He could count the number of people who supported his dream with only one hand.

Which is why he absolutely despises this place. Everyone thought he wouldn’t make it, that him going back and forth to Seoul to attend auditions was a waste of time. He didn’t have the looks, the flair, the aura, to be on screen. And all Jae wanted to do was prove them wrong.

So when he finally made it there, he was in awe. Everything was more extravagant than he could’ve imagined, everything was more exciting, more livelier, more alike to the upbeat lifestyle Jae longed for compared to everything he left behind.

Maybe that’s why he drifted away. He was so caught up with the flow, already pulled by the current, with the excitement of living the life he wanted, that he didn’t make time for anything else.

Before he knew it, everything connected to that small town became a distant memory.

He didn’t realize he was subconsciously playing a song on the piano, his fingers having a mind of its own when he hears a knock at the door.

Jae turns to see Dowoon peeking in, “I’m done. Wanna hang out here some more, or shall we make our way back?”

“Nah,” Jae switches off the keyboard, “I think I’m done here. Or more like, I didn’t get anything done.”

Dowoon already knows that Jae’s having a hard time with writing, Jae having told him on one of their outings. They make their way to Dowoon’s scooter.

“By the way, weren’t you playing one of your songs just now?”

That caught Jae by surprise. He didn’t think anyone would know that song, since that was one of his older ones, something he wrote in his pre-debut days.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

Dowoon’s ears turn red again. Jae pretends not to see it for Dowoon’s sake.

“I, uh, listen to all your songs.”

“ _All_ of them?” Jae turns to him, unbelievingly.

Dowoon fiddles with his helmet’s buckle, his hands shaking, out of nervousness he guesses. He’s trying to act casual. Jae does his absolute best _not_ to laugh at how adorable he’s being. With a shake of his head, Jae slaps his hands away and buckles Dowoon’s helmet himself.

Dowoon gives him a soft smile.

“All of them.”

They were supposed to be on their way home, but this seemed like a better idea.

“Uh, Dowoon, this isn’t the way home,” Jae points out.

Dowoon smiles to himself, “I know.”

He thinks he can at least have this day for himself, to himself. _I mean, it’s okay to treat myself, sometimes, right?_

He convinces himself anyhow and that’s how they’re here now.

In the middle of an arcade.

“An arcade,” Jae states.

Dowoon doesn’t know what Jae is thinking, but he hopes whatever it is, it’s something good.

He smirks at Jae, “Yep. And I’m going to beat you at every single game here.”

That makes Jae laugh out loud.

“Oh! I see our years of separation has made you forget how incredibly amazing I am at games!”

“As I remember, you’re not very good at them in the first place.”

“Okay first of all, how dare you.”

Jae then grabs Dowoon’s wrist and drags him to the token exchange machine, as he exclaims for the entire arcade to hear, “Secondly, I’m about to prove you wrong!”

They spend their time at the arcade for 3 whole hours.

And it didn’t even feel that long, because Dowoon was having so much fun.

For the record, Jae was still as bad at games as he was when he was a teenager, and still the same sore loser as he used to be.

And Dowoon really, really doesn’t want to forget this day. He swallows his embarrassment and takes out his phone, capturing pictures now and then. Jae doesn’t seem to mind, he didn’t even bat an eye. Maybe Jae knows what Dowoon is doing after all.

Sometimes he catches Jae looking at him with a faraway look in his eyes. _It’s like he’s looking at me, but it’s not me that he sees_. Dowoon tries not to think into it too much, and just focus on this good day he’s having.

So they played every single game there. From the air hockey, to the basketball hoops, to the 1-on-1 fighting games, to the whack-a-moles, to those strength games, to the motorbike racing (Dowoon hears Jae points out, “This is the kind of motorbike you should have, Dowoon!” Dowoon pretends not to hear it.) and lastly they’re both at the one game, Dowoon is certain, that Dowoon cannot, and will not beat Jae at.

“I hate this game.”

“You haven’t even started. Also, I am completely aware you hate it, and that’s why I chose it.”

Dowoon looks at the arrows on the floor and back at Jae. He has this satisfied look on his face, as if he already won by Dowoon’s defeated face alone.

“Whatever, you’re playing with me right? At least I won’t look dumb alone.”

And they did look dumb. They’re not the best dancers, and their limbs are all over the place, but they’re both laughing so much that they missed a couple of moves and it doesn’t actually matter to Dowoon who’s winning. Because Jae is _here_ , they’re both having a great time, and Dowoon may have been clinging to the rope all this time, trying not to fall again into this hole he dug himself in all those years ago, but he figures it’s okay to finally let himself go.


	7. Chapter 7

Jae was a social butterfly, so it would make sense that he made tons of friends in Seoul.

One of those friends, was a guy named Younghyun.

He was one of the first few friends that Jae had, and they both instantly clicked. Okay, they might’ve had their fair share of disagreements and misunderstandings here and there, but after they ironed out some of wrinkles, everything was perfect.

A little too perfect. But not that Jae minded at the time.

Both of them were doing music, and Younghyun was insanely good at song writing, not to mention that he was the life of any party he walked into. It wasn’t so surprising for an 18-year-old Jae, freshly out of town into a metropolitan Seoul, to be drawn to Younghyun like a moth to a flame.

They did everything together. They wrote music, hung out with their friends, practiced together, and everything else in between. As friends, they were the most compatible duo. Almost everyone saw it coming, everyone sort of wondering, _what do you think they’d be like as a couple?_ As it turns out, they were a crash collision waiting to happen.

Their relationship was too hot, too fast, too volatile, everything they were was always an extreme. When they were happy, they were too happy, both too engrossed in their happiness to see anything else but each other. But when they were sad, or angry, it always came in massive amounts as well, as they throw hurtful words to each other, words they can’t take back. They were so unbalanced, that they were bound to crash and burn at the rate they were going.

The worst part is that he should have seen it coming.

Jae still remembers the conversation they had, the one that ended everything.

A year ago, merely six months into their new relationship, Younghyun called it quits.

“Don’t you see Jae?” Younghyun was yelling at him from across the living room, their living room. “We’re ruining each other!”

Around the room, books and papers were strewn over, there was a broken glass somewhere on the floor, Jae wasn’t sure whether it was him or Younghyun that knocked it over, but everything, inside and outside, was a complete mess.

Jae tries to convince Younghyun, trying to make excuses for both of them.

Younghyun wasn’t listening.

He said, softer this time, “…We’re tearing each other apart.”

Jae watches as Younghyun picks up his things, his belongings all over the apartment, the one they’ve been living in together for years. Jae could only stand and watch.

When Younghyun approached the door, only then could Jae find his voice, as he chokes back a sob, “But I don’t know how to be without you.”

Younghyun pauses at that. It was as if he was resisting to look back.

“As much as it hurts now, it’ll only hurt us more if we stay together like this.”

And that was the end of it.

Younghyun moved out, and moved on with his life. He kept writing great songs, kept being recognized by the music industry, kept being _Younghyun_ , while Jae is just… there.

Honestly, Jae tried. Jae tried to be fine, because Younghyun was fine, right?

And the thing is, he’s been with him for so long, that he doesn’t know where his own being ends and Younghyun begins. They may have only been a thing for 6 months, but they were friends, no, _best friends_ , for 8 whole years. They practically grew up from teenagers to full-fledged adults together. It’s like they’re a single entity.

Maybe that was the problem.

That Jae doesn’t know who he is without Younghyun making up for the things he lacks. And that was why he couldn’t write a proper song without thinking that Younghyun would know what’s wrong with this, Younghyun would know how to fix this, and everything is Younghyun all the time.

That Jae forgets how to be his own person when Younghyun isn’t there anymore.

To be frank, Dowoon knows why Jae was in a slump, or more like, he has his suspicions.

He would never tell it to anyone, not even himself, but he keeps up with news about Jae. And living in the limelight, Jae was always hounded by paparazzi, by fan sites, by anyone with a camera nearby. So it doesn’t come as a surprise for the media to find out, especially if Jae wasn’t hiding it in any way.

Jae has a boyfriend in Seoul. Or, _had_ , past tense, if you take into account the most recent development of it.

And he’s _super_ cool too, if Dowoon had to bitterly admit. Like he was at the level of cool that he’s the face on magazines, on advertisements, and on top of that, had a great music career (Okay, Dowoon may be a bit more than bitter). With the timing of the news of Jae’s breakup, and his year long hiatus, and his sudden rest back at home, and Dowoon watching Jae having trouble with writing… well, Dowoon could kind of put it together.

But Dowoon doesn’t want to ask Jae about it. There was absolutely no need for him to clarify it.

It doesn’t feel right to ask. In a way, Dowoon was also scared to hear about it from Jae. All this while, he’s been seeing photos of them together, or videos of them performing together, but that was all on a screen. It was easier for Dowoon to compartmentalize.

It’s different when he has to hear it from Jae himself.

So he doesn’t. He pretends that he doesn’t know why Jae is in a writing slump, pretends that he and the rest of the town haven’t heard the news of his breakup a year ago, pretends that seeing Jae hurting isn’t hurting him too.

And if there was one thing that Dowoon was good at, besides drumming, it was definitely pretending.


	8. Chapter 8

They were at the academy again.

“I’ll just play a beat, and you can join in whenever.”

“Dowoon, I truly haven’t played in a while…”

Dowoon urged Jae to bring his own guitar this time, Jae wasn’t sure why. He usually doesn’t mind whatever it is Jae intends to do at the academy. But Jae goes along anyway.

Now he’s feeling a bit of regret.

“Chill, okay? It’s just us here. There’s no pressure. It’s just me and my sick beats.”

Jae deadpans, “Right.”

Dowoon starts off with a very basic beat, then he starts adding in his own style as he changes it up, little by little. Jae is a tiny bit pressured.

But he looks at the way Dowoon is looking at him encouragingly, and he thinks, _Well, might as well try._

Then he joins in. He was purely winging it, of course. This is the first time they’ve actually played together properly, and it wasn’t even a song they both knew. They were just… jamming.

And somehow, Jae absolutely enjoys this. He hasn’t had this much fun playing music in so long, he doesn’t even remember when was the last time he did. Here he could just play whatever, and he doesn’t have to be on beat, or in tune, or get the right chords all the time, or worry about remembering lyrics. After so long, he feels like music doesn’t have to be his burden. He could just play like this all night long, and he thinks this is it. _This is what I’ve been missing all this time._

He thinks he hasn’t enjoyed doing music for a long, long time.

They’re both laughing at each other’s mistakes and continue making up as they go, and they keep on playing and playing and playing, that they don’t even pay attention to how long they’ve been at it until they both get drowsy.

“I think if I sneak in, I’ll wake up my parents, for sure,” Jae whispers, as if anyone would hear them while they’re both standing in front of their houses.

“Come on, just stay at mine instead. It’s not like they won’t figure it out.”

Jae thinks this is the first time he’s been inside of Dowoon’s house since he left town, and he may not remember much, but he knows that not a lot has changed. It’s almost like the entire house is stuck in time, like it’s exactly the way it was before Jae left all those years ago.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t prepare the other room for visitors, so it’s extremely dusty… You could take my room, and I’ll just take the couch…”

“What? No way, at least let me sleep on the couch.”

“…Your entire body won’t fit on it. Your legs will dangle over the edge.”

“It’s just one night.”

“I’m taking the couch, that’s final.”

“Okay, then why don’t we share the bed, then? You know I don’t move much in my sleep.”

Jae has no idea why he suggested that.

But somehow the flush that appeared on Dowoon’s face was worth seeing.

“…Are you sure?”

“Yeah, totally.”

They both made their way to Dowoon’s room, and as Jae steps in, he realizes _this_ room definitely changed a lot. There used to be tons and tons of photos all over the walls, photos of his family, photos of Jae, of Wonpil, but now everything is bare. Except for a few foreign things on the-

“…Are those my albums.” Jae points out.

Dowoon was silent for a few seconds, “…No.”

“You liar, I know they are!”

“Okay fine, if you knew, why did you even have to ask!”

Jae laughs as he goes through them. _Wow, he bought all these._

“…I can’t believe you have these. Even the debut mini-album.”

“Of course.”

Jae looks at Dowoon, and Dowoon is looking at Jae’s albums fondly, like it’s his most prized possessions.

“You know, I kinda feel like it should be weird that you have my albums, but at the same time it’s not.”

Dowoon shrugs, as he gets ready for bed, “It truly isn’t. You’re still Jae.”

Jae smiles at that.

Dowoon wakes up to a sight he never wants to forget.

They aren’t tangled up in each other. If anything, they both kept to their sides of the bed the entire night, but Jae was facing him right now as he’s sleeping and Dowoon thinks this is still a dream.

He remembers how happy Jae was last night playing with Dowoon, how bright he was, he was literally shining. And that was the Jae that Dowoon missed the most, that was the Jae that Dowoon hasn’t seen in a long time. Dowoon wished that he could give that feeling to Jae forever.

And now here he was, in Dowoon’s bed, he looks so serene, and Dowoon is not going to waste this opportunity that he’s handed.

So he does his best to remember every single thing about this moment.

The way there’s sunlight shining on Jae’s face, not enough to disturb him from his sleep. The way his hair is messed up, it’s all over the place. The way he’s sleeping leaning on his hand, which should probably be numb by now, how isn’t he disturbed by it?

He loves the colour of Jae’s hair too, all this time he was only able to see Jae’s spectrum of hair colours through photos. This time he could finally see this blond hair in real life. He doesn’t know what took over him, as he brushes some of Jae’s hair from his forehead.

The action seemed to wake Jae, as he slowly blinks his eyes open, batting away the sleepiness. And maybe Jae is a bit delirious too, because when he sees Dowoon’s hand hovering over Jae’s forehead, he doesn’t question it, and instead says, “Good morning, fluffball.”

Dowoon almost cries right then and there, because he hasn’t heard Jae call him that in _years_. And Jae probably realizes it too.

“Hey, that was okay, right?”

Dowoon nods fervently, “Yes, absolutely. It’s more than okay.”

Jae softly touches Dowoon’s cheek, his thumb smoothing over the mole under Dowoon’s eye, as if he’s trying to see if it would be wiped away.

“You’ve really grown up. It’s like you’re a different person now, but somehow still the same.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I think so.”

“Then I’m okay with that.”

They stayed quiet, both soaking in whatever this thing was to the best of their abilities.

“Jae?” Dowoon says, so softly, afraid it might ruin the moment their having.

Jae hums, hand still barely on Dowoon’s cheek, Dowoon almost forgets it’s there. He holds on to Jae’s hand, just to make sure this was real.

Dowoon whispers out, “I’m happy you’re here.”

Dowoon was scared, no, he was _frightened_ , on what Jae might say, on how he would react, but then Jae smiles, that gentle smile of his.

“So am I.”

It was probably the intimacy of the entire situation, and how fragile and vulnerable the conversation was, that they both immediately reached for each other, and pulled the other into a bone-crushing hug.

And before they knew it, they fell asleep again, in each other’s arms.

It becomes a new routine for them.

If before this they saw each other every single day, now they have the added element of always having sleepovers, with Jae staying over at Dowoon’s, or vice versa. Although, Dowoon prefers for Jae to stay at his, still shy around Jae’s parents when they have breakfast together in the morning, which Jae doesn’t get because _You’ve known them all your life, what’s there to be shy about?_ But Dowoon has always been more shy than others, so he doesn’t push it too far.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Dowoon these days.”

Jae looks up from his breakfast and sees his father looking at him. Dowoon left early that morning, saying that he had a replacement class to attend. Jae decided to stay behind.

“Yeah…?” he drags his answer, not sure where the conversation was leading to.

“I think it’s great. You two bring out the best in each other.”

Jae continues to chew on his food quietly.

“Both of you look like you’ve got huge weights off your shoulders,” Jae’s dad says, rather nonchalantly, as if he didn’t just tilt Jae’s world on its axis.

And _that_ really got Jae thinking.

That when he’s with Dowoon, he doesn’t have to be always be this perfectionist, who always has to make #1 songs, that always had to effortlessly look good in the eyes of his fans, that he could just be _Jae_ , and Dowoon would still look at him the same way, with that same starry look in his eyes, and a fond smile on his lips.

It’s warm, and calm, and content, what he has with him.

Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to rush it, or try to give a name to whatever he’s feeling right away. Everything felt so delicate. He wants to tread as carefully as possible, making sure not to ruin anything before it even begins.

Like if his relationship with Younghyun was a colour, it would be burning, fiery red, with all its volatility and extreme emotions and being hot to the touch.

While with Dowoon, it’s like-

A breath of fresh air.

Like he’s been holding his breath underwater for a long time, and now he’s breached the surface and taken in his first inhale, and Jae has never felt so _free_.


	9. Chapter 9

Jae has been writing more lately.

Or that’s what Dowoon likes to think, from what he observes anyway. During their jamming sessions, they alternate between playing any songs they know, or makeup as they go, or they quietly practice to themselves, and somehow those individual practices is just as comforting, knowing that the other is not too far away.

And he sees Jae more content in writing nowadays. He isn’t as tensed as when he first came.

Weirdly enough, the topic wasn’t brought up during one of those jamming sessions, but it was on a random night, Jae sprawled out on his floor while strumming his guitar lightly, while Dowoon was sitting on Jae’s bed, a book in his hand.

“What if you came to Seoul?”

“Hm?” Dowoon looks up from his book.

Jae had this determined look on his face.

“I mean, you said, you could drum anywhere right? That’s why you’re here. But if you could drum anywhere, couldn’t you also drum in Seoul?”

Dowoon slowly puts his book down, “…I’m sure, there are more opportunities, but there’s also more competition-“

“I know, I know. But what if?”

And Jae is looking at him, like he’s genuinely hoping that Dowoon would say yes, and Dowoon feels like this is another one of those life changing moments as he genuinely thinks that, _Huh, it wouldn’t be so bad now, would it?_

“And with your talent, I’m sure you’d score a gig or two, at least. I mean, there’s bound to be somewhere that needs a drum teacher, right?”

It’s like Dowoon’s back to his teenage years, as he listens to Jae go on and on about his dreams, but this time it isn’t about Jae, it’s about _him_ , and Jae looks so optimistic.

Dowoon pretends to think about it for a while, when in reality he already made up his mind.

“Yeah. It actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

Jae beams.

They just got back from another coffee run with Wonpil and Sungjin, when Jae invites Dowoon over for dinner. He’s sure that his mom wouldn’t mind, anyway. He thinks that she would adopt Dowoon if she could. Dowoon, of course, didn’t decline.

When they reached home, Jae sees a familiar car in his driveway. _Too_ familiar.

A car that should not be anywhere near his home.

“Fuck.”

Jae doesn’t even think, he quickly goes to open the door, and he already feels it. The tension in this house. His eyes scan through the inside of his house for the source of it, until he looks into his living room, his parents already looking back at him.

There, on his couch, in his childhood home, was Kang Younghyun.

Younghyun has a surprised look on his face, as if he wasn’t the one who came uninvited.

“Jae! Your friend just arrived 20 minutes ago,” his mom exclaims, albeit a bit on the what-is-he-doing-here type of tone, but only Jae can sense that.

_Friend_.

Jae cuts to the chase, as he looks at Younghyun, “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been looking for you. Mark wouldn’t tell me where you were,” Younghyun stands to move closer to Jae, but Jae doesn’t move a single inch.

“So you came _here_?”

Younghyun was about to say something, until Jae sees Younghyun’s eyes fleet over Jae’s shoulder.

And Jae almost forgets that it’s not just the two of them there, until Dowoon speaks up, quieter than usual.

“I think I’ll just go.”

Jae was too stunned by the situation to say anything to him. Jae’s mom, on the other hand, tries to convince him to stay for dinner, something along the lines of ‘The more the merrier!’ sort of thing, but Dowoon leaves anyway.

And Jae hates that look on Dowoon’s face.

It’s the look he makes when he’s definitely feeling a lot of things, but he can’t say it, or more like refuses to say it, and Jae absolutely _hates_ it.

Dowoon knows a couple of things.

He knows who Younghyun is, and he also knows that it’s him that’s in Jae’s house right now. No one needed to tell him, because he can tell by the look on Jae’s face. Also, because he’s seen tons of their pictures together, obviously.

And Dowoon also knows that he doesn’t stand a chance.

He wasn’t some famous singer, with a hundred songs credited to him, with millions of fans, who could whip out a song out of thin air, who has more money to his name than Dowoon has ever seen in his entire life.

He wasn’t the person who was by Jae’s side as Jae builds his music career, who stood by him during his 10 years in Seoul, who probably knew Jae better than Dowoon now, because let’s be real, Dowoon only knew Jae up to when Jae was 18, and this dude probably knew Jae like the back of his hand.

And he wasn’t the person who made such a big influence in Jae’s life that Jae literally had to take an entire month’s worth of forced leave because he wasn’t around. Dowoon was just someone Jae spent time with _this_ month. What’s one month compared to 10 years?

Dowoon knows all this.

And Dowoon may know that it’s not _really_ supposed to be a competition.

So why does it feel like he’s lost anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought i should clarify since there are contrasting mentions of the 8 and 10 years!  
> so technically parkian were friends for 8.5 years, boyfriends for a half, and another year for jae's writing slump. dowoon mentions 10 because he just lumps it all together.
> 
> just a few more chapters guys! fighting~


	10. Chapter 10

Jae was staring Younghyun down; Younghyun was sitting on his bed, while Jae refuses to sit as well, preferring to stand so that he can stare the other down properly, arms crossed.

“What the fuck, man? For real? Here?”

“Look, I tried contac-“

“It’s been a year! God!” Jae starts to pace in his room, “Your timing is just! So! Ugh!”

Jae leans back on his table, as he face palms.

_How is this guy so stupid, for someone so smart._

“I did try contacting you, for weeks! Then one day, Mark picked up, I guess he was tired of me, probably-“

“ _Probably_?”

“Most probably, and he didn’t want to tell me where you were!”

“You know what? I don’t even want to know how you found out I was here.”

Jae closes his eyes for a second, but all that comes is an image of Dowoon’s face, void of emotion. He shakes the feeling away.

“…Why now. You had a year. You can’t just come and go as you please,” Jae says, tiredly. All his exhaustion throughout the year, his sleepless nights, his defeated feelings, everything is pouring out, and he doesn’t even want to look at Younghyun right now.

“You’re my best friend.”

Jae looks up at that, not expecting that answer.

“You were always my best friend. Jae, we’ve been friends for more than 8 years, and I… miss you.”

Younghyun might’ve anticipated how Jae would react to that, as he raises both his hands in surrender before Jae could lash out, “I know, I know leaving you just like that was shitty of me, and not contacting you for a year was shitty of me too. I apologize for that, I know nothing can undo the past year. I swear, I’ll make it up to you. But the things I said, about our relationship, you know I was right… don’t you?”

Jae looked at Younghyun, and he sees all those glorious years of being his best friend, that explosive 6 months of calling him his boyfriend, and the entire year of Jae trying to salvage all the pieces Jae has left.

Jae nods, “I know.”

“I just…” Younghyun looks down at his hands, “…want my best friend again. But only if you want it too.”

Jae reluctantly goes to sit beside Younghyun on his bed.

And Younghyun might’ve been the bane of his existence for the past year, but they were _both_ giving each other hell during their entire relationship. It wasn’t the most ideal situation, yet the fact of the matter is, Jae misses him too.

Jae misses Younghyun as a friend more than he misses him as a boyfriend. And that in itself is pretty self-explanatory.

Jae sighs out, “Okay. Friends. Let’s do that.”

Jae wasn’t ready for Younghyun to leap into him for a hug, well, Younghyun was always handsy in the first place, but it still took him by surprise. He awkwardly pats Younghyun as he hugs back.

“Wait,” Jae pulls away. “You came all the way here just for that?”

Younghyun frowns, “…Yeah?”

If Jae could roll his eyes even harder, it would go all the way to the back of his head.

“Are you stupid? Did you fry your brain? You could’ve waited for me to get back! It’s literally just a few days till I go back to Seoul!” Jae hits Younghyun’s shoulder repeatedly.

Younghyun tries to lean away, but the hits only get harder, “Well, no one told me that!”

Jae groans and pushes himself off the bed. He’s had enough of this conversation. As he opens the door, Younghyun continues.

“…So if you only have a few days left, do you mind if I stay here? We could go back toge-”

“FUCK OFF!” Jae slams the door closed.

“And why are we in my room?”

“Because we’re hiding from Jae.”

“Why couldn’t it be at your house?”

“You know my brothers, they’re very protective of Dowoon. If they knew Dowoon was upset-“

“Your brothers. Your little brothers.”

“They’re not so little now! They’re taller than me!”

“A lot of people are taller than you, Wonpil.”

Dowoon sighs as he listens to Sungjin and Wonpil bicker for the umpteenth time. He doesn’t have it in himself to find the energy to stop them.

He figured he couldn’t just sit around at his house, and he didn’t want to go to where Jae could find him, so he went to Wonpil’s, who then dragged him here. For reasons already stated.

“And why are we even hiding from Jae anyway? And why is it ‘we’ and not ‘Dowoon’?

“Younghyun is in town.”

That caught Sungjin by surprise. They both became quiet, that Dowoon can feel the static sizzling in the room. He still doesn’t move from his position on the floor by Sungjin’s bed (This is the first time him and Wonpil are in Sungjin’s room, and apparently they weren’t supposed to sit on his bed in their ‘outside clothes’, whatever that meant).

Dowoon listens to them divert the conversation, jumping from topic to topic. They seem to have a lot to talk about, for people who don’t meet often. They only started hanging out properly after Dowoon and Jae invited them along to hang out.

Out of curiosity, Dowoon stands up and looks at the cork board Sungjin has on his wall, filled with pictures. His fingers lightly touches each photo, as he looks at each person. There were some people Dowoon didn’t know, probably some family members, and then he sees Jae.

It was a photo of them both at their high school graduation. Dowoon remembers that day vividly, because it was the day right before Jae left town.

He removes the photo from the board and holds it lightly in his hands, as if it was going to break.

“Oh, I love that photo,” he hears Sungjin mutter over his shoulder.

Dowoon tries not to notice his hands shaking as he stares at the photo.

“Sungjin, do you remember when you used to tell me about our lives being like lines?”

Dowoon doesn’t look up, but he knows both Sungjin and Wonpil has their attention on him.

“Yeah.”

Dowoon turns to look at Sungjin, tears unshed in his eyes, a painful smile on his face in a desperate attempt to mask some of the pain.

“I- I think, Jae’s line is going to leave our intersection again.”

Wonpil frowns, not knowing the context of the analogy, but he knows enough to piece everything together. It doesn’t take long for Sungjin to envelop Dowoon in a hug either, and Dowoon automatically holds on to Sungjin like a life saver.

Wonpil wipes Dowoon’s tears from his face, “You don’t know that yet, Dowoon. Don’t say that.”

Dowoon starts sobbing into Sungjin’s shoulder, just like those many years ago. How fitting.

Wonpil joins in on the hug, Sungjin paying him no mind, as he continues, “But even if that’s the case, we’ll still be here, Dowoon. Our lives will always be intertwined. So just lean on us for now, and let us carry your burden with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any guesses on who wonpil's little brothers are? :D
> 
> i actually wrote that thinking of skz's kim seungmin and kim woojin, but you can imagine whoever you want to your hearts content! <3


	11. Chapter 11

Younghyun refuses to leave town without him.

And it’s frustrating to Jae because he literally has only a few days left, but he can’t deal living in his childhood home with Younghyun under the same roof in that period of time. He tried coaxing Younghyun to leave without him, he even tried calling Mark using Younghyun’s phone because if anybody can get Younghyun’s ass in line it would probably be Mark, but nothing works, and Jae is _stressed out_.

So he decides to go back earlier than planned.

It’s funny how when he first got here, he couldn’t wait to go back to Seoul, and now that he’s actually leaving, he’s dreading to.

Now the hard part is how he’s going to tell this to Dowoon.

He didn’t see Dowoon the entire day yesterday, which felt weird to him, after they’ve always been with each other the past month. Jae doesn’t know how he’s going to go back to Seoul without him.

Which now leads Jae back to square one, where he’s standing again on Dowoon’s porch, not knowing whether he should ring the bell or not.

_I don’t even know what to say to him. What do I-_

And suddenly, the front door opens, scaring them both. Jae flinches away as Dowoon gives a surprised shout.

“What are you-“ “Were you going-“ They both started at the same time.

Dowoon gestured for Jae to speak.

“Sorry, were you going somewhere?”

Dowoon shakes his head.

Dowoon wasn’t even looking at Jae, and Jae feels uneasy. How is he supposed to say this? Why is it so hard to say, anyway?

“I…” Jae starts.

Dowoon glances up at him.

“… I have to go back to Seoul tomorrow.”

Jae can feel his heart beating a mile a minute, and he doesn’t know what to feel since Dowoon doesn’t even look surprised by his sudden announcement.

“So soon? I thought you had a few days left, at least.”

“It’s Younghyun, he’s annoying the hell out of me. The faster I get to Seoul, the faster I can get him out of my sight,” Jae lets out an exasperated sigh.

Dowoon has his poker face on, and Jae is terrified, because he genuinely can’t tell what is going on in his head when he’s like this.

“My phone’s with my friend Mark, the one I told you about? But let’s exchange numbers, okay? I’ll contact you as soon as I get my phone back. And you can contact me too!”

Dowoon nods, and it’s so unnerving, because his face is still void of emotion.

Jae can’t take it anymore.

“Hey.”

Jae puts his hand on Dowoon’s cheek, just like the way he did on the morning of their first sleepover. It feels just like yesterday.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

He shakes his head. At least he doesn’t shy away from Jae’s touch. If anything, he seemed to be leaning closer. Jae finds comfort in that.

“I’m… just sad that we didn’t get to spend the last few days together,” Dowoon mumbles, staring at his feet.

And that breaks Jae’s heart, so he pulls Dowoon closer and mumbles into Dowoon’s hairline.

“Me too.”

What Dowoon doesn’t tell Jae is that he’s afraid.

He’s afraid that the cycle would just repeat itself. That Jae would forget him again, and Dowoon would be the only one stuck in their moments together, the only one stuck in time.

He’s afraid that Jae would forget everything about their entire month together.

He’s so, so afraid, but he doesn’t say it. He doesn’t say it to Jae. He knows Jae would say that this time would be different, but Dowoon is _terrified_.

So in order to protect himself, to protect his feelings, Dowoon assumes that this is it. This is Jae leaving their intersection for good. Whether or not there’ll be another in the future, is unknown to both of them, but Dowoon wouldn’t count on it. He separates himself from his stupid expectations, and lets himself take in this final day he has left with Jae.

He already knew he was going to leave, he’s known for the entire month, but Dowoon still hates to see him go. He thinks he’ll never get used to this.

Dowoon knows that he could technically go to Seoul, build a new life there, but he can’t just pack up today and leave tomorrow. It might take a whole month at the very least, and who knows what’ll happen in those few weeks.

He wishes he could just keep Jae here, and they could continue living the way they were the past month, but he knows that’s never going to happen.

So he wasn’t prepared to say goodbye, again.

Jae has this pitiful look on his face. Like he’s feeling guilty that he has to leave so soon, or leave in the first place entirely. He really, really wants to say something, anything that will get him to stay a little longer. But Dowoon is never known to be selfish. And he doesn’t want to make it harder for Jae to go, so he just keeps it all inside as he thinks _Do what you must now, and get sad later._

“It was a great month, yeah?” Jae tries to laugh, but it sounds forced.

“The absolute best.”

They’re both trying to prolong the goodbye, but they don’t know how to. Dowoon doesn’t know if he can look at Jae without crying, so he decides to look at Jae’s hands, his very pretty hands. He wonders if he’ll ever get to hold them again.

“I promise I’ll contact you as soon as I get my phone back.”

Dowoon nods, a bittersweet taste in his mouth.

“Alright.”

“Please trust me.”

“I do.”

Dowoon just doesn’t trust everything else in the universe.

“Dowoon.”

Jae reaches out and places his hand on the side of Dowoon’s neck. He feels himself blush, looking up at him.

“This isn’t forever. We’ll see each other in Seoul, right?”

Dowoon holds on to the edge of Jae’s shirt, “Yeah.”

As they hug each other goodbye, Dowoon doesn’t know why but it genuinely feels like it’s going to be the last time, so he holds on a little tighter.

And when he waves the car goodbye, along with Jae’s parents, he already despises how hollow his chest feels.


	12. Chapter 12

Younghyun was saying something to him, but he’s too focused on the side mirror of the car, seeing his parents and Dowoon getting smaller and smaller, slowly and finally disappearing from sight.

And that’s when a sense of déjà vu hits him. It’s so familiar.

_10 years ago. Dowoon waving him goodbye._

He feels lightheaded. He doesn’t always get these sudden rush of memories. Usually he remembers things slowly, like when Dowoon tells him a story of something that happened years ago, or when he comes across something that reminds him of his childhood, but this memory that hits him feels like a wave crashing on to the shore.

_“I have to tell you something before you go.”_

Why are these memories only coming back now?

_“Jae.”_

Oh God, he feels like he wants to vomit.

“STOP THE CAR!” Jae yells. Younghyun screeches to a stop, lucky that there weren’t any cars around. Jae opens the door and lands his knees on the ground. By instinct, his hand holds his throat, because he’s feeling choked up, but there’s nothing in there.

_“Jae, I-“_

He feels his eyes tearing up. This is getting too much to bear-

_“I love you.”_

He can hear Younghyun screaming at him, and shaking his shoulders. But he’s too caught up, too far gone into his own head. He knows he’s repressed all his childhood memories from this town, but how could he forget this one?

_“I didn’t want to tell you until I was at least 18, but I just wanted you to know before you go.”_

“Jae! Seriously, what’s going on with you? Do you need a doctor?” Younghyun slaps Jae’s face lightly. Jae tries to focus on Younghun, but all he can see is 15-year old Dowoon, looking up at him.

_“I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings, Dowoon. But hey, there’s a lot of life ahead of us, right? Who knows, maybe 10 years from now, I’ll take you up on that offer.”_

Jae honestly wants to puke.

“I can’t leave yet!” Jae screams.

His volume surprised Younghyun, but he matches his just the same, “What!”

“I can’t leave! Not- not until I tell him!”

“Tell who? Tell what?”

“Dowoon!” Jae slaps Younghyun’s hands away.

Jae knows he looks deranged right now, but he doesn’t care. He just stands up and starts running.

He can hear Younghyun yelling at him, but he’s so determined on getting back to Dowoon, Dowoon, Dowoon. He sees him everywhere. The time Jae bought his first guitar and Dowoon was the first person he showed it to. The time Jae showed a video of a band and Dowoon was so impressed with the drummer. The time they sneaked out of their houses in the middle of the night just to go to the playground and both of them getting sick from the cold. He sees him in every crevice of his mind now. He wondered how he could even forget.

“Dowoon!” Jae starts yelling once he thinks he’d be able to hear him.

He stops in front of Dowoon’s house, hands on his knees, panting. He hears the front door swing open.

“Jae? Wha-“

Jae was still panting, but he still raises a finger at Dowoon, “When I asked why you didn’t leave this town, what did you say your reason was?”

“Huh?”

“Answer the question!”

Dowoon looks confused, but he still approaches him, “I- I said that, I’m content being here.”

“And if I ask you, right now, what the real reason is?”

Jae probably looks like a lunatic. He’s sweaty, he hasn’t exercised in months, and he’s yelling out almost every other sentence. But all that doesn’t matter right now.

“What is this about?”

Jae walks over to Dowoon, and places his hands on both sides of his face.

“Just tell me.”

Jae needs to know. Jae needs to know that he didn’t make up that memory in his head.

“Please.”

Dowoon closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them, Jae can see it glistening with unshed tears.

“Because I wanted to be where you could find me.”

And Jae breaks down.

He’s full out crying now, he doesn’t think he’s ever cried like this in his life, while he lightly punches Dowoon’s chest, over and over, “What were you thinking? Are you insane? What could you have possibly gain-“

Dowoon just lets him. Jae continues hitting him as he rambles on and on about how stupid Dowoon is, how he could’ve lived a different life if he wasn’t here, how Jae wasn’t worth waiting for. That probably triggered Dowoon in some way, because he then takes hold of Jae’s wrists and pulls him into a hug, one of his hands cradling the back of Jae’s head. Jae continues to cry on Dowoon’s shoulder.

“I’m so in love with you, Park Jaehyung. I loved you when I was 15 and I love you now. And you could have forgotten me for another 10 years, and I would still be in love with you.”

Jae hears a car door slam close, it was probably Younghyun coming to pick up Jae again, but he doesn’t actually care at the moment.

He just keeps on crying, and crying, and crying. And he doesn’t know what he’s crying for. Was it for the lost years between them? Or maybe it was for Dowoon, his selfless, gentle Dowoon, who Jae honestly doesn’t deserve. Either way, he feels Dowoon smoothing down the hair on the back of his head, while he shushes Jae like comforting a child.

Jae stutters in between his sobs, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. You’ve waited so long-“

“It’s okay,” Dowoon assures him. Dowoon might be crying too, but he can’t be entirely sure. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

“Ah, my sons. What are you even doing.” Dowoon hears Jae’s mom say.

Dowoon doesn’t know how long they’ve been standing there hugging, but it must’ve been a while, judging by how Dowoon’s legs are starting to get tired.

Jae looks up at the sound of his mother’s voice, and they both turn to see his mother standing there, a fond look on her face. She goes and places a hand on each of their cheek.

“What took you boys so long, hm? Come on now, let’s go inside.”

Dowoon doesn’t understand, wasn’t Jae supposed to be going back? That was what he thought, until he heard Jae’s dad speak up.

“Well, Mr Kang, I think you best be on your way now. If you delay any further, it’ll be dark by the time you reach Seoul. It’s alright, I can grab Jae’s bags myself…”

They both pass by Younghyun’s car as they walk to Jae’s house, and Dowoon looks up to see Younghyun nod in understanding.

Now, Jae and Dowoon were both on Jae’s sofa, leaning on one another. Jae keeps fiddling with Dowoon’s fingers, both too emotionally and physically exhausted to speak, these few days have been taxing on them both. Dowoon looks at their intertwined hands. His hands are much rougher from years of gripping his drumsticks, compared to Jae’s hands with his nimble, slender fingers. Dowoon’s hands may be tough, but he figures it has always belonged in Jae’s anyway.

Jae slowly lifts Dowoon’s hand, and places it on his chest. Dowoon frowns and looks up at Jae, not sure what he’s doing. Jae looks straight into Dowoon’s eyes, fully focused.

“I’m in love with you, Yoon Dowoon.”

And it was so simple, it was just a string of simple words, but somehow with how sincere Jae said it, with the way Jae’s hand covers his as he holds it over his chest, it was Dowoon’s turn to feel overwhelmed by emotions.

Because Jae is finally here. Jae has finally caught up to Dowoon’s feelings, and their hearts have been separated for so long and Dowoon can’t believe he’s finally _here_.

Jae’s the one who has to console Dowoon this time around, as he kisses all of Dowoon’s tears away, whispering and repeating his love confession. Dowoon can feel them both melting into each other, all the pressure slowly washing away, only leaving behind a calm relief.

“Look honey, aren’t they precious?” Jae’s mom peers from the kitchen, “…Will they be okay?”

Jae’s dad glances at them both, and smiles fondly at his two sons.

“Don’t worry, I think they’ll be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i wrote this myself but im the one screaming everyones welcome to scream with me AAAAAAAAAAAA


	13. Epilogue.

**_Five months later_ **

The place was crowded.

Well, of course it would be crowded. This was Jae’s first comeback showcase after his long hiatus, and everyone, _everyone_ wanted to come see him perform.

Dowoon included.

Sometimes Dowoon feels like he’s been living a dream these past few months.

In the end, Jae still left after his one month was up, but this time, Dowoon felt content. He knew they’ll be okay, and both of them had already made arrangements together on how Dowoon was going to move to Seoul with him before he left. Dowoon thinks Jae did that to also give him a sense of security, that Jae was serious about everything.

This was his first official week in Seoul, and everything was as bright and shiny as he pictured. He wasn’t fond of the crowds of people, but he thinks there were a couple of things he could get used to. Like the music academy here is _much_ bigger, with more tools and accessories that Dowoon has ever seen with his own two eyes. He figures that besides teaching, he could get a few lessons of his own here.

But the highlight was definitely living with Jae. He gets to see Jae every day. _Every single day_. Even thinking about it makes Dowoon giddy.

“Hey, it looks like it’s about to start.”

He turns to see both Sungjin and Wonpil beside him. Jae said something about _They’ve been dealing with us for years, they should at least get free tickets to this show._ Which lead to a heated debate with arguments that include “I’ve been friends with you since middle school and I’ve only gotten them _now_?” and “I should get free tickets for _life_ ” but Dowoon doesn’t want to involve himself in that.

The lights start to dim, and the crowd’s cheers are deafening, and Dowoon has never felt more alive.

It must be a new record with how fast he prepared this new album.

It’s like Jae’s been possessed. So many ideas were coming to him, so many songs he wants to write, so many parts he needs to record, and there wasn’t enough time in a day for all of it.

It wasn’t like he had a deadline. His agency has been more than understanding with his situation. But with the date of Dowoon moving in drawing nearer, he wanted to at least start it off right. At least this one song.

But he managed it. He managed more than he thought he was capable of. And that’s how he’s at this showcase now, several months later.

Jae feels excited to perform again. He hears how loud the crowd is cheering for him, but tonight was more special to him, because he knows Dowoon is out there too.

After all these years of being Jae’s loyal fan boy, Dowoon finally has front row seats to his show. Heh.

He performed song after song, some old songs, and even the new ones, but the crowd still knew all the words. He looks out at them in awe. It hasn’t been long since the new album was released, but the way they were singing back to him, it was as if they knew the words all along. He can’t believe he took a hiatus from all of this.

As he takes a seat, at his piano in the center of the stage, he starts talking.

“I’m going to be real with you, I was going through a difficult time.”

He hears the crowd responding, but everything was a mesh of different words. Jae smiles and continues anyway.

“And it’s been dark for a while, but I have someone by my side who will always shed some light on me. I hope there’s someone out there like that for you guys too.”

_On the day Dowoon moved in, after they settled all his things, he sat Dowoon down by the piano in his living room._

_“Dowoon, I have a gift for you.”_

_Dowoon tilts his head, and looks at the notes in front of Jae, which Jae quickly covers up._

_“No, no! Don’t look! Just look at me!”_

_Dowoon laughs, “Okay, okay.”_

_“I just…” Jae smiles nervously, “I just wanted you to be the first to listen to it. Before anyone else does.”_

_“I wrote this for you,” and then Jae slowly starts to play._

“So this is a song that I wrote, that hopefully gives you guys comfort, the same way my person gives comfort to me.”

Jae’s nervous, but somehow, he’s not as nervous as he was when he first played it to Dowoon that night.

_My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in  
Everyone looked worse in the light  
There are so many lines that I've crossed, unforgiven  
I'll tell you the truth, but never, "Goodbye"_

Jae thinks of Dowoon in the practice rooms, drumming away like his life depends on it, like drumming was his one true love.

Jae thinks of Dowoon on the swing set of the playground, his face full of understanding, even when he had the right to be angry, the flare of the streetlights behind him makes it as if he had a halo.

_I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you  
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you  
I've been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night  
And now I see daylight, I only see daylight_

Jae thinks of Dowoon at the arcade, with his loud laugh, and teasing voice as he beats Jae at every game, and Jae never minded because he’s never seen Dowoon this happy in a long, long time.

_And I can still see it all, in my mind  
All of you, all of me, intertwined_

Jae thinks of Dowoon on all the breakfasts, lunches, and dinners he’s joined in at home, how his parents love him almost as much as they love Jae, and how Dowoon seems to get more and more comfortable each time.

_I once believed love would be, black and white  
But it's golden_

Jae thinks of Dowoon and their daily sleepovers, and how with every single night that passes, they gravitate closer and closer to each other, like the Sun pulling the Earth into its orbit.

_And I can still see it all, in my head  
Back and forth from New York, sneaking in your bed_

But most of all, he thinks of Dowoon loving him, with so much selflessness, with so much kindness, so gentle, so warm, so patient, so much like coming home.

Now, all he wants is to return that same love to Dowoon, a million times over.

He looks out at the crowd, and it’s a good thing he knows where to look, because he spots Dowoon right away, looking up at him, with the same starry look he had even way before he was 15, and Jae has never known a love like this.

**_“I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden, like daylight.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand there you have it! im really thankful for anyone who reads this until the end. i hope it ended up being worth your while!
> 
> also!! IMPORTANT: the song i referenced was taylor swift's daylight, and whether youre a fan of her music or not, you guys _have_ to listen to this [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1EI8x42qyI). i swear to god if you had to trust _one_ thing from me, please let it be this. listen to it at 1.25x speed, and imagine that scene of jae singing it again. i promise you wont be disappointed! (because ive been listening to it for DAYS)
> 
> UPDATE: the loml [_chocolattea](https://twitter.com/_chocolattea) made [art](https://twitter.com/_chocolattea/status/1286956337453133824) based on this fic! you wont regret looking at it, i promise <3
> 
> anyway, feel free to come scream at me in the comments, or on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/jajudeeds)


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